It has come to my attention that some of you think my sister and I are weird looking! Well, you have some nerve! Look at you humans, walking around all pink and sprouting hair in patches from your heads, backs, upper lips and armpits! You think we have flat faces? Look at you! The only thing poking out of your face is a sharp looking nose! And your ears neither perk nor flop! You don't even have tails! What do you wag when you're happy? My sister and I are covered with pretty, shiny, beautiful fur, and it's NATURAL! (The bald spot is growing in.) You take it off of others animals and run around wearing it! That's icky! I think you guys are the weird looking ones!

***FANGS FASHION TIPS!!***

Everything you need to know for the school year!

St. Michael Edition

Hi! I was out in the car the other day, and got a good look at how people around here are dressing. It's bad. I thought I'd offer I few tips, being the fashionable dog that I am!

1. Pull up your pants and turn your hat around straight. You live in a developing rural area, not the inner city. You are not a gansta.
2. Girls, wear clothes. The younger you are, the more clothes I want you wearing!
3. Daddy, never do this again! Please!
4. If you have a hideous seventies hair cut, DO NOT get your eyebrows pierced. Especially if you are over 40. You can either be up to date or scarily retro. Not both at the same time.
5. Capris should never be flowered.
6. Spandex never should have been invented.
7. Aquanet is bad for the environment.
8. Bathing is good.
9. Especially with soap!
10. Washing your hair is good too.
11. Always keep a cute, stylish dog around. We make you look good!

That's it for now!

I want to run around in the yard, the Junkyard that is. Here's a little Junkyard Poetry for all Y'all........

The Tooth Fairy, who is she?
I'll bite her in the ass if she comes for me!
I don't see a dentist, for I'm a dog you see,
my teeth get brushed by Mommy and Daddy.


....Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go lick myself.

Mommy and Daddy keep calling me flip-ear................ I don't get it!

I'm famous! I was playing around on the computer today when I noticed that the blogger icon looked like this....

Doesn't that look just like me?

They must have heard about the party I'm throwing this weekend. It's my first annual "Come On Over and Piddle On the Carpet Party!" See, they have me wearing a hat!

I knew that my movie career might lead to some endorsement deals, but I never expected this!

I just got the script for my movie. Here's the first draft.

Snake slithers through Mommy and Daddy's bedroom. It's going to eat them! They're asleep, so they don't know it. Ocho is asleep too. She's snoring really loud. And farting.

Snake: Hisssssss....

Ocho: Snore. Fart. (Green cloud rises from her butt.)

Fang: Bark! Bark! Grrrrrrr.......

Daddy: (Rolls over and shoves Ocho off the bed.) You stink!

Snake: Hisssssss.......

Ocho: Fart. (An even bigger cloud rises from her butt.)

Mommy starts coughing and choking because Ocho smells so bad.

Snake: Hisssssss.......

Fang: Grrrr..... Bark! Bark! Grrrr....... (Fang leaps up and heroically attacks the snake, killing it, but not before it swallows Ocho whole!)

Daddy: Oh no!

Fang: Grrrrr..... (Bites snake and slits open its belly and pulls Ocho out.)

Daddy: Oh Fang, you are the very best Doggie ever! Why don't you give me kissies all over my face! I love you Fang! I'm going to go right now and make you a steak!

Ocho farts again. An even bigger green cloud arises and fills the room. Mommy and Ocho both die from the smell, but Fang picks Daddy up and carries him out of the room, saving his life again.

Daddy: Oh Fang, it doesn't matter, I don't need Mommy or Ocho as long as I have you! (He hugs Fang and goes out to buy her two steaks!)

The End

What do you think? I think it is a heart warming story that is true to life! Especially the part about Ocho!

I'd like to announce that I've been given an exciting opprotunity! My agent called me the other day and told me I'd landed the lead role in a great new movie! It's called "Snakes on a Fang." Look for it soon in theaters near you!

I'm gonna take a stab at this Junkyard Poetry thing.

After Midnight wierd things happen,
My stomach turns, I start crappin',
Must of been the dinner I ate,
Cat poop and house plants, my tummy they hate.

After Midnight, don't pour water on me,
For I'll turn into a gremlin you see,
I'll tear the living room into little bits,
and cover the carpet with many o' shits.

Hi! How are you? I haven't talked to you in awhile! You should come over and play with me. I'll share my nice, bland hamburger and rice with you. Bring a couple of friends! I'm sure Mommy will make more than enough for all of us!

Hey.... what are you looking at? Are you staring at my bald spot! You are! That's not nice! I'm not sharing any food with you! I don't make fun of your deformities, and you have plenty, you mutant freak ! Meanie!

Don't tell anyone I'm here... I don't want to go back to the vet! I'm tired of shots and medicine. There's nothing wrong with having a few mites! What dog doesn't come down with a good case of worms from time to time? They gave me three shots yesterday. Three! And then they scraped my skin. Ouch. We could have left it alone. I could have worn a Doggie Toupee over the bald spot! And did you see how they took my temperature? No one even gave me a treat to distract me! Ocho walks around acting like she's so much better than me just because she doesn't have to go to the vet. Wait until she finds out that she has to take the worm medicine too! Ha!

I was watching Mommy play her really annoying Sims game that takes up all of her time. She made sims and named them after us! Can you guess which one I am? I'll give you a hint! I'm the cute one!

This one is Sully!

And we wouldn't want the Beagles to be left out! Here are Six and Seven. I've never met them in real life, but they have their very own Myspace page! And you thought Dog Blogs were dorky!

Wow! That was the weirdest dream ever! I dreamed I was playing in the back yard when an army of skeletons started chasing me! I tried to bite them because they were made out of bones, but they jumped out of the way. Then the boss skeleton man came and said he was going to eat me! He was wearing a funny helmet. Just as he was about to chomp me with his sharp, pointy teeth, I woke up! I wonder what made me dream something like that?